…

Alam mo yung pakiramdam na wala ka ng pag asa?
Kahit anong gawin mo, hindi ka na magiging masaya?
Yan. Eksakto sa nararamdaman ko.
Kaya binitawan ko na yung pangarap ko.
Ang saklap kasi yun lang naman talaga ang gusto kong mangyari sa buhay ko.
Pero wala eh.
Minsan, kung ano pa yung pinakagusto natin, yun ang hindi para sayo.
Kaya sabi ko kay Nero, tama na.
Wag na nya akong kumbisihin na darating din ang tamang panahon.
Wag na nya akong paasahin na magkakaron din ako ng happy ending.
Wag na nya akong lokohin sa mga positive thoughts na yan.
Hopeless case na ‘ko.
I will never be happy with anyone.
At dapat ko ng tanggapin yun, ngayon pa lang.
Siguro nga, masyado akong matapang.
Siguro nga, masyado akong maldita.
Siguro nga, masyado akong emosyonal.

Salamat sa lahat ng nagparamdam sakin nito.
Minulat nyo ko sa katotohanan na walang patutunguhan ang pangarap ko.

Date Fail

Here are the reasons why I consider last night’s date an epic fail:

 TIMING. Ehh. I totally forgot about the event. Friend A reminded me of the exhibit prolly around 4pm. I have already scheduled a jogging date with officemates and Jenga. After 2 rounds and lots of isaws, I decided to go home at 9pm. But NOO. I was convinced by Friend A to follow in Podium. Time check: 9:30pm. Exhibit’s done.
 UNDER DRESSED. Since it’s late already, I had no time to change. I was wearing my PINK (pfft!) jogging pants. Hahaha! And, a really really old white shirt. With matching holes on both sides. (Uh-uh!) Not that I am conscious and not that I wanted to impress, but I wished I’m presentable, at the very least.
 HAGGARDNESS. Inappropriate dress is diff from the over all look. You can still look fresh and pretty despite being under dressed. Though I had an excuse and I don’t smell sweaty (thank God I’m not pawisin!), I knew my eye liner’s a bit messy, face is shiny, hair’s unruly. Imagine someone who just worked out. That’s me. Double fail.
 DEAD AIR. It’s soo awkward. Haha! We were talking and suddenly, we stopped. Like we don’t know what to tell each other. I was swiping and nudging Portia every so often. Thanks to Friends A and B for being there. Hahahaha!

After Podium, we headed to Makati to meet Friend B. Some kinda double date it is. Friend B and I talked more than we did. Haha. We left Makati around 11pm, the three of us all sleepy and tired from work (and work-out). It was a first meeting that’s some kinda weird. I’ve never been into something like that and I can’t help smiling every time I remember my old and awful shirt. XD

Now Playing.

Shontelle’s T-shirt

hey, let me tell you know.
ohhhh baby.
trying to decide, trying to decide if i, really wanna go out tonight.
i never used to go out without ya, not sure i remember how to.
gonna be late gonna be late but, all my girls gon have to wait cause, i don’t know if i like my outfit.
i tried everything in my closet.

nothing feels right when i’m not with you, sick of this dress and these Jimmy Choos.
taking them off cause i feel a fool, trying to dress up when i’m missing you.
i’ma step out of this lingerie, curl up in a ball with something Hanes.
in bed i lay, with nothing but your T-shirt on.
oh, with nothing but your T-shirt on.

hey, gotta be strong gotta be strong but i’m, really hurting now that you’re gone.
i thought maybe i’d do some shopping, but i couldn’t get past the door and,
now i don’t know now i don’t know if i’m, ever really gonna let you go and i, couldn’t even leave my apartment.
i’m stripped down torn up about it.

trying to decide, trying to decide if i, really wanna go out tonight.
…
It’s in repeat mode, even. I’ll probably listen to this the whole day. I hope I’d feel better.
…
To greet or not to greet. Just because we’re not friends. <– Oops. His choice, not mine.
…
Hmm. Sabi ko, di na ako magsusulat ng kahit ano about you.
Pero.
Sige na nga.
By any chance that you’d read this, I am wishing you a happy birthday.
I hope hindi ka na katulad ng dati, na malungkot pag birthday month mo.
I hope she makes you happy. Happier even.
I wish all the good things for you, because I care. I still do.
I used to be your friend, remember?
One of these days, I’ll be able to forget and forgive completely.
One of these days, I want us to be friends again.
Despite you, shutting me out.
But, it depends on you.
…
Thanks to CJ and April for “adopting” me tonight. Dami ko ng utang sa inyo. Haha. Bawi ako sa kasal nyo. XD

Death Anniv.

Today is Tatay and Mamay’s death anniversary. It has been 17 years that my dad died, lolo’s 21st year, I think. But the kid in me still misses them.

I went to work earlier than usual because I wanted to get off early. I planned to drop by a church, light some candles and talk to them a little bit longer than usual. Maybe to update them how I am coping, and to share what’s been bothering me since Monday. I wanted to talk to someone who will understand me. I miss calling someone just to cry and whine. Haay.

This is one of the worst feelings in the world. Wanting to go but tied up with work. =(
It’s only once a year and I can’t even spare an hour.
I seriously wanna cry. In my desk.

Life Lessons learned from Ginger Brave

Okay. I’m a certified addict and I am truly bored. My social life these past few days happen to include these: Zombie Farm, Smurfs’ Village, Angry Birds, Zombie Cafe, Cooking Star, Thief Lupin, Doodle Plants vs Stick Army, Fruit Ninja and my favorite for now — Oven Break.

So who is Ginger Brave? You may ask. Ginger Brave is the main character (or should I say, one and only? Haha!) of OvenBreak. I supposed she’s a she because name’s Ginger. The game is pretty basic. Idea is, Ginger realized that she’s inside an oven and she needs to escape before she becomes a holy toast. (O_O) You only need to master two buttons: the jump and slide/hook button. And that’s it. Because Ginger runs for her life even if you’re not pressing/touching/swiping anything.

But mind you, this game is FAR from easy. It is SIMPLE but it is NEVER easy. It increases speed as you progress and there are a lot of hurdles. I should know, because after 10 days or so, I’ve passed the training (easy) level only. Pffft! After x years, I’m on level 2. And it seems to be taking forever, because I haven’t finished the 2nd level. I couldn’t imagine how wild and crazy levels 3 and 4 must be. Aagh.

Just because I am soo challenged, (read: frustrated) I’ve come up with some lessons I learned from Ginger Brave:

Lesson #1: You must run to survive. I initially thought that running away from death is cowardice. Why run? We must face it. But then, as I persist to play, I changed my mind. There’s more challenge if you fight it. It’s like holding on to every hope and faith and having more zest for life. The obstacles that Ginger faced to escape from being baked are true testimonies that shit happens. But we must focus our eyes on the prize – Freedom! (in real life – happiness =)

Lesson #2: Rule the world then the universe then the galaxy . It’s a very subtle reminder to me to dream big. To make that dream a reality, start from baby steps coupled with a lot of patience and perseverance (aka: practice). These will often lead you to something brighter, bolder and better. Then, never let go of it.

Lesson #3: Perfect timing is very important. There are instances that I die because of sliding/jumping too early or hooking up too late. I can’t master it! Just like in real life. We must know when is the best time for us to resign/shift in a career we really love, to get married, to move out of our parent’s house, get into a relationship, end a relationship, etc. Or even the simplest decisions we make everyday – waking up on time so as not to be late. Need I say more?

Lesson #4: Discernment. Because Oven Break has lots of traps! There are no beware signs, so best judgment when to do a double hook, when to jump and slide is a must. It’s really hard because the game is pretty much random. You can’t memorize the stumbling blocks per stage because it changes very arbitrarily. Always proceed with caution. And if you can, look ahead so you won’t get a bump. This applies to general areas of our life too. Trust your instinct, especially when dealing with people you barely know.

Lesson #5: Second chance, third, fourth, fifth. Endless chances. What I love most about this game is that there are alphabet jellies you can collect to replenish your life. You just have to spell FREEDOM! =) It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve fallen or you’ve been knocked or hurt or whatever; what’s more essential is getting up all over again and continuing your journey. As long as we live, life offers never-ending odds for us to be able to get things right. You just have to learn the lessons you are being taught of along the way. =)

Again, I know all of these in theory. If only I could apply this while actually playing the game, I would have been able to finish it by now. Pffft!

See how boring and uneventful my life is? Me needs a life. =P